Potential

So yeah here I go again.  I see so much potential in you dude, I don't know how to show that to you. I believe in you and I believe that you believe in yourself when it comes to your comfort level, but not when it is something outside of your comfy box you don't see the greatness in you! I care about you so much and I don't even think you realize exactly how much I really care! How much I want to help you get to that next level and help you see the real you that I see on a daily despite all of your grumpiness and fussiness. I see the good parts of you that no one else gets to see, but lately you have been just showing me what others see. I don't really appreciate that, but hey what can I do about that. I am trying to push you to do some stuff that in the long run is going to help you succeed in your future endeavors. I know that company of yours will be great and will prosper and be in the top of the fortune 500 one day. I can see it and I can see you getting there and I see you in your suits networking and presenting your proposals and doing your actual job with such excellence. It's not even the job aspect I am talking about I am also talking about your personal life. I know you will be a great man, husband and father. You have to let yourself be open to grow in those areas. I just want to support you and be there for you and all I feel is nothing but resistance from you. I am not sure why you are so resistant to me and why you won't let me be there or even help you. I know I am a girl, but what does that have to do with anything. Don't let pride get in the way of something that quite possibly can be God putting  in your life to grow or to get help from. I believe God puts people in our lives for reasons that I am not really sure of, but that is what He does. I am in your life for some reason and it is not for what happened before. It has to be something that has to do with your future. I really don't know and to be honest it really breaks my heart. First of all I didn't think that I could be so involved with you and wanting you to grow and such things. I didn't realize that you really made your way into my heart the way you did. I am super surprised and shocked. Please don't get it twisted, I am not in love with you by any means. I do love you as a person and as my friend and maybe even a little deeper, but  I am NOT in love with you. How can you be so young and yet so set in your ways that are not necessarily good ways that you learned by your environment. I can show you so many great things that will open your eyes and your world to show you that it doesn't have to be one way or the other. There are options out there. I see so many blessings coming your way, but it is you blocking them from yourself cause you are so stubborn and won't grow out of this stupid set ways. I am stubborn to and I know I have learning and growing to do too and I am trying. I just know you can make it and make it BIG!!! I want to be there when you make it like that cause I want to be able to tell people how you went from where you came from to where you at now! I would be so proud of you, shoot I am proud of you now when you do your thing. I am like there goes my friend doing his job and doing it well. I tell people all the time now that was my friend who did....

You know I can't believe that here I go again trying to be a good friend and good encourager and so on with someone, who yet again doesn't let me in. Doesn't share how he feels at all. Just fusses or says little comments, even though you don't really make little comments, but you still are the same guy all over again. I promised myself that wasn't going to do that again with another guy. I love the first guy with all of my heart. He is an old friend and I had to work hard to be where I am with him and I don't know if I can do the same with you. It hurt me so much these past many years. I invested so much in him and I still don't believe that he truly invested in me the same way. I don't want that with you. It just seems that I am going down the same path again. I am not really sure what it is with me on trying to invest in people who don't invest back! Anyway that is all I really have to say to you for now. Until next time!

2011 Has Got To Be Better than 2010

Hello again,

So this time 2009 I was super excited because I thought 2010 is going to be the best year yet!!! Well how WRONG was I on that thought. This has got to be the worst year EVER!!! I figured I would find a great job and be saving some money for a house and heck even maybe have a cool bf in my life. Well none of that happened. Of course that is what I get for being so excited about things like that. Mind you the bf part didn't really matter to me as much as getting that great job, saving some money, upgrading the house and all that jazz. Now it's not like I stayed at home and did nothing, actually it was quite the opposite. I ended up working at church as a volunteer and I love every minute of it. It was really hard work, trust me, but it is all worth it. Church part like I said is really hard, but awesome things came out of it. I ended up being promoted to the Props and Stage Crew Director and that has been a very interesting adventure.  Anyway, I will get back to church later.

2010 sucked big time! Now it is 2011 and it is really hard for me to get excited about it. I am still looking for work and it looks like it may not happen at least here in the Midwest.  I need something to happen real soon. I feel like I am losing all hope in a new job. I never thought I would be out of work for so long. I am thinking it may be better if I moved away and started in a new place with a new lease on life. I don't know. I was really thinking on going to California the devil state. I hate it there, but I have family there and I have a place to live. I really would like to move to NYC and see what I can do there, but I am not confident enough in me to say I am going to make it when I have no where to live. I think it would be awesome to move there and have an exciting life in the Concrete Jungle. NYC has been the place of my dreams forever!!!  One day I will make it there and heck maybe even live there. Now I am  just trying to get by and I am not really making it.  Hopefully, California helps me make it through. 2011 please be better than 2010!!! I need something to start going right or I am not sure what I will do. I am not trying to be Debbie Downer, but that is just how I am feeling lately. Plus I am feeling lonely, so that doesn't help either. Well that is enough of lonely talk until maybe the next blog. Well I guess that is all considering I have been working on this post for like weeks now. Until I blog again...deuces!