You know I don't really consider myself a needy person or a person who really asks for too much and if you are reading this and I am wrong, please feel free to let me know. I am generally down for the cause and ready to ride or die for my people and I know that my peeps would do the same. There is just one that I am pretty sure isn't down for this cause. Like I said I will do whatever, but it sure seems like you are not willing to do the same thing. If it seems a little inconvenient for you, then its a no go, but its ok if it inconveniences me. When I suggest something to you its always a no cause it seems like to much hard work. Who knew I was the only one who is suppose to do all the hard work. Don't get me wrong there are small times you actually seem concerned but that is really rare!!!

I feel like such an idiot for pushing myself for you and it only concerns you if it effects you in some way. If it doesn't, then OH WELL.  I know you care for me, but your actions are saying something that is different. You think I am frustrated at you and no I am not, I am frustrated at myself. I am frustrated because I could really use you right now to be there for me and understand what I am going through at this moment, but I know you can't be there for me like that. I just don't think you really know how to or really know how to navigate. Maybe that is my fault, but I could really use you to really try.

You know I think it's just me and I know better and I know who I can count on and I don't know why I am fixated on you being there. So, I am giving up. I will go to my regular "family" and soulmate! I know they are there. I am no longer going to push myself to the point of breaking. It is over!

Good News Wednesday

Well I have to say after a couple of days of bad news, it was nice to have a day of good news. First, my dear friend had his very first chicago theatre audition!!! I was able to help out a little bit on getting him prepared for the role!! I know he totally got it!!! 2nd I got a call for a possible HR job!!! It is about time. It would start out as part time and if they like me and I am a good fit, I would move into full time!!! How exciting!!! Maybe there is hope for me yet!!!

Working Title

I am not quite sure what to really name this blog. I figure as I type this blog I will figure out the name.

So it is a new year and I am still in the same boat as the last year. The new part of the year is that my car was broke and down a few days and I missed it. I had to rent a car and that wasn't fun at all, even though it was a cool car. I missed Aux jack which I know it is not important in the grand scheme of things. Anyway, it just seems like here we go again. The stuff another year. I know it is suppose to get better, but it just seems like things are getting not so good and continue to be on the bad side. I would really like the good stuff to start happening. I am not sure how much longer I can go like this. This is not fun and I really need things to start changing for the better. Is it me? Am I doing something wrong? Is it something I am not doing? I feel like I am not good enough anymore. I feel like the reason no one will hire me is because I am not a good employee or they think I am not a good person. I am to the point that I just pretty much suck at everything. Shoot I am 32 and I am back home with the parents with no sign of moving out anytime soon. I feel like such a bad person. I feel like a mooch. Then of course I am getting the same stuff being said about me by my own family.  I am a hard worker and when I am working on something, I put my all into it. I guess that doesn't matter anymore. I guess all my hard work and putting all my energy into things doesn't mean anything. I am not sure what I am really good for anymore. It just seems like I am just a loser. Maybe that is exactly what it is. Call me Loser from now on. That sounds pretty darn accurate. Well that is all I think I can say. Sorry to be such a debbie downer if you read this.