This is my 1st

Ok, so this is my first blog and I am really nervous. I am a blog virgin and now my cherry has been popped.  I am really excited. So anyway, today has been an interesting day thus far. It is 2:40am and I have 6am prayer and I am not even tired. I have so much on my mind. I think I am going to start off with figuring out who I am and what I really want in life. I of course want what God wants for me. I have always seen myself as the executive person flying all over the world for work and still having a great family. I can video chat with my kids when I am not there, but also never miss a baseball game or football game my son is in. I am only having boys. It just seems that right now it is not going to happen. I can't even seem to get a normal job in my profession. Even to be an assistant now a days requires a degree. I don't have that, but I have so much experience and yet no one will even look at my resume cause I don't have the little piece of paper. I know what you are thinking, just go back to school, but I can't afford it and unless it is free right now I won't be going back. Once I have a job and all that I can go back. It just seems like it is not going to work out for me, but I am optimistic cause I know God has a plan and He is going to work it all out for me and I just have to push forward and apply and be patient. As far as who I really am, I am still trying to figure that out. I am learning more things about myself via my friends and family. I have serious control issues and I am working on it. I don't let people help me as much as I should and I am working on that too. It is just hard to let people do things for me. I like to serve others, but I am not a fan of people serving me. I love to be there for people and be a person they can come to no matter what. It is really hard for me to go to others and I believe that this year I have been learning how to go to others no matter how difficult it is for me. I don't like asking for help. I think it is because i have always had to be the person with the answers and be the rock when everyone else fell apart. Now that is my turn to be the one to ask, I can't. I am doing the best I can tho. I know I have a long way to go, but at least I know it and I am willing to change it up. Anyway, I guess that is all for now. I will have more to write later on. I at least wanted to get started.